


Insecurity

by Xyliandra



Series: There is Nothing Easier Than Loving You [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Demisexual Katsuki Yuuri, Demisexuality, Light Angst, M/M, very briefly mentioned but it's there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 16:56:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9831290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyliandra/pseuds/Xyliandra
Summary: in·se·cu·ri·ty/ˌinsəˈkyo͝orədē/noun1.uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence.orLong engagements are hell on people with anxiety.





	

“Victor, I’m leaving you.”

Victor glanced over his shoulder to as he continued to prepare dinner.

“Oh?” he asked, unfazed. “What did I do this time?”

“Affair,” Yuuri responded, swiping at his phone.

“Again?”

“Again.”

“Wow,” Victor let out a low whistle. “I am the worst.”

“Apparently,” Yuuri agreed, looking up to smile at his fiance.

“I guess I need to start thinking of a way to make it up to you.”

“You better,” Yuuri agreed. “This is the third time you’ve had an affair.”

“But only the first time you’ve left me,” Victor pointed out, “the other times I was leaving you. The media has _finally_ realized that _you_ are the one who deserves better; I could never find anyone half as amazing as you.”

“...Vitya…” Yuuri murmured, color dusting his cheeks.

“It’s true! More gossip magazines should be musing what on earth you see in an old, figure skating, has-been.”

“If _you’re_ a has-been, what does that make me? _You_ have all the medals.”

“Hardly! You have quite a collection yourself, more than enough for a separate cabinet, if you would let me display them properly.”

Yuuri hummed in disagreement. “I’m still at the end of my career.”

“You’ve been saying that for years,” Victor countered with a grin.

“And one of these years it will be true.”

“Nonsense. You’re in the prime of your youth. You will be a figure skating god forever!” Victor threw his arm in the air dramatically to punctuate his point.

“Vitya,” Yuuri whined, covering his face with his hands.

“Don’t be embarrassed, lyubimiy1.”

“Then stop calling me a god!” His words were slightly muffled by his hands.

“Absolutely not.” Victor crossed the room quickly, gently prying Yuuri’s hands from his face. “Your skating is a thing of beauty,” he kissed Yuuri’s left wrist, “and your body is simply divine,” he kissed Yuuri’s right wrist. “I would worship at your altar every night, if only you would let me.”

“VITYA!” Yuuri yanked his hands free and curled in on himself, trying to hide his embarrassment from Victor. Victor laughed warmly, peppering kisses to the parts of Yuuri he could reach.

“I must be a man possessed to forsake my god and fall into the arms of a man.”

“It was a woman this time.”

“It’s like they don’t even know me!” Victor lamented, slumping against the couch dramatically.

“You’ve dated women.”

“Yeah, but men are _better_ ,” Victor whined. Yuuri rolled his eyes.

“It’s not like you’ve gone on record proclaiming your preference for men. As far as the media is concerned, I’m the gay harlot who stole you away.”

“The katsudon femme fatale who stole my heart, perhaps, but I was hardly stolen away; I gladly gave my life to you,” he corrected.

“And as far as the media is concerned, that doesn’t count because we aren’t married,” Yuuri spit out bitterly. Victor hummed with understanding, twisting so that he was again facing Yuuri.

“The media knows nothing,” Victor assured, softly stroking one of the thighs Yuuri pulled close to his chest. “The media you speak of is just gossip and exaggerations anyway. Don’t let them make you doubt our love, dorogoi2.”

“I don’t. Not really. I don’t know why this is even bothering me!” Yuuri groaned, kicking a throw pillow in frustration.

“You were fine a few minutes ago,” Victor pointed out unhelpfully.

“Because I knew you weren’t having an affair. Know. I know you’re not having an affair.” Victor said nothing, wanting to let Yuuri work through his thoughts. He moved his hand up Yuuri’s leg to rest it on the strip of exposed skin on Yuuri’s hip. “Most of my brain recognizes that you are in love with me-”

“Madly in love,” Victor interrupted with a soft smile.

“Madly in love with me,” Yuuri amended. “There’s a part that still doesn’t get why, and I don’t know if I’ll ever shut him up completely, but I know you love me. And that should be enough.” Yuuri made a garbled sound in the back of his throat as he grabbed his hair in frustration. “But everyone won’t shut up about our engagement, speculating why we’re waiting so long and that there’s ‘trouble in paradise’ and that you’re cheating on me, and I know it’s all bullshit, I know that, but my brain won’t stop thinking about it. Like, what if they’re right? We’ve been engaged for three years and we still don’t have a wedding date.”

“We wanted to wait until you retired,” Victor reminded him gently, thumbing Yuuri’s waistband  unconsciously.

“ _I_ wanted to wait. You wanted to get married right after Nationals when I took gold.”

“And I also wanted to buy a ridiculous pink convertible to road trip across Europe.”

“You did buy it. It’s still in the garage.”

“We both know I am no good at making decisions.”

“What about the decision to travel to Hasetsu unannounced to become my coach?”

“In my defense, you invited me, so I believe that cancels out the ‘unannounced’ aspect.” Victor coaxed Yuuri’s right hand out of his hair and squeezed it affectionately. “And it was the best decision I’ve made in my entire life. It will be second only to our vows on our wedding day.” Victor kissed the gold band on Yuuri’s hand reverently.

“Does it bother you that we’re waiting so long?” Yuuri asked quietly, watching his fiance closely. Victor kissed Yuuri’s ring again before meeting Yuuri’s gaze.

“Of course not. I would wait forever for you,” he said seriously. Yuuri felt his heart flutter and he quickly looked away from Victor’s intense gaze. “And even if you decided to tomorrow that you no longer wished to marry me, I would never love you any less.”

“Of course I want to marry you!” Yuuri scrambled to sit up. “I didn’t mean-”

“Yurochka,” Victor shushed soothingly. “I didn’t mean it like that.” His brow furrowed as he searched for the correct words. “I meant that if you ever decided that having a wedding is too stressful, has too much pressure, and that you would rather not have one, that would be okay.” Confusion crossed Yuuri’s features.

“But we’re engaged.”

“We are.”

“So we have to get married.”

“We don’t have to do anything, lyubimiy. Marriage is a formal commitment to one another. As far as I’m concerned, I already made that commitment to you in Barcelona.”  He squeezed Yuuri’s hand, pressing the gold band against both their fingers. “And I have made it to you again and again every day since then.” Victor brushed Yuuri’s cheek with his free hand. “I don’t need a marriage to validate my love for you. I will love you more each day regardless.”

“Vitya,” Yuuri murmured, cheeks coloring faintly.

“I need nothing more that your love, moyo zolotse3.”  
“You have it.”

“Then I need nothing else. I am the luckiest man alive to have you to love me.”

“I think that’s my line,” Yuuri said softly with a small smile.

“Oh no, no, no. You are not the one with Katsuki Yuuri as your boyfriend.”

“Fiance,” he corrected.

“Yes, that.” Victor leaned forward to kiss Yuuri’s forehead. “Ai shiteru4.”

Yuuri hummed pleasantly, squeezing Victor’s hand. “Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu5,” he echoed. Victor smiled warmly, squeezing Yuuri’s hand tighter. “Hey, that’s starting to hurt,” Yuuri laughed.

“And yet, you’re squeezing tighter,” he nodded to their hands

“Because I’m going to win.”

“Win? Not everything is a competition, Yurochka,” Victor tutted. Yuuri snorted.

“That’s rich, coming from you, King of Competition.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Yuuri squeezed tighter. “But I give in! You win! You have superior hand strength!” Yuuri let go of Victor’s hand, smiling smugly. “It must be from all those h-” Yuuri slammed his hands over Victor’s mouth, reducing the rest of his words to garbles. Victor licked Yuuri’s palm in retaliation, laving at his fingers until he pulled his hands away.

“Victorrrrrr,” he whined, wiping his wet hands on Victor’s chest.

“Yuuri,” he responded, eyes full of a mischief and a smile wide across his face. Yuuri shoved at his chest halfheartedly, but said nothing else. After a long moment, “Should I make a press statement?” Yuuri frowned.

“Why dignify it with a response?” Victor shrugged.

“Because it bothered you.”  
“But not really,” he argued feebly, gesturing absently as he tried to put his thoughts into words. “It bothers me that people don’t take our relationship seriously because we aren’t married.”

“There would be the same rumors even if we were.”

Yuuri frowned. “I guess.” Victor chuckled.

“You would think you’d have gotten better at this after so many years,” he teased. Yuuri pouted slightly, but didn’t comment. “I’m glad. It would be a shame for fame to change you.”

“I was famous before we were together.” Victor’s eyes brightened.

“Yes you were, moya zvyozdochka6,” he agreed, taking Yuuri’s head in his hands and caressing his cheeks. “You were Japan’s top skater. A Grand Prix finalist. Adored by many and lusted after by countless more.” Yuuri blanched.

“Lusted after? I don’t know-”

“Chris would have gladly jumped into bed with you if you asked him.”

“Vitya!”

“I know. We discussed it. Had you not been so drunk, the night may have ended very differently for you, I am certain.”

“Oh god, can we please not talk about this.” Victor laughed, then placed a kiss Yuuri’s forehead.

“Even now, there are many things that are said about you. I should probably be more jealous of the things your fans say, but it is hard to be mad when their words are true. You are very, very sexy, my Yurochka.”

“Stooooooooop,” Yuuri whined, trying to wiggle out of Victor’s grasp and hide again. Victor held firm, but didn’t say anything else.

“So, if no press statement, can I make a strategic instagram post?”

“Define ‘strategic’.”

“A lovely selfie of me spending the day curled up with the love of my life as we watch something together, captioned ‘another perfect day with the love of my life. How did I ever get so lucky? #soinlove #blessed’”

“Does anyone even still tag things ‘blessed’?”

“I do. I am blessed every moment I am with you.” Yuuri rolled his eyes.

“You’re such a sap.”

“And I’m yours.”

Yuuri smiled softly for a moment before the corners of it started to fall.

“Yuuri?”

“Stammi vicino,” Yuuri mumbled, eyes glancing away from Victor’s.

“Always,” Victor promised, leaning forward to rest their foreheads together. “You should never fear losing me.”

“But-”

“But anxiety doesn’t work that way, I know. So I will just have to prove my love to you every moment of every day for the rest of our lives.”

“Promise?”

“On my life.”

Yuuri pressed their lips together gently, fingers curling into Victor’s hair. Victor kissed back just as sweetly, trying to pour as much love into each movement as possible. After several languid kisses, Yuuri pulled back, resting his head in the crook of Victor’s shoulder.

“If we’re taking this ‘strategic selfie’, I want a shower first.” Victor hummed in agreement, rubbing his hand along Yuuri’s back.

“Should I finish dinner then?” Yuuri shook his head.

“Come talk to me?”

“Of course, moyo syerdtse7. I’d follow you anywhere.”

**Author's Note:**

> 1 my loved one  
> 2 darling  
> 3 my gold  
> 4 I love you  
> 5 I love you too  
> 6my little star  
> 7my heart
> 
> Victor is a romantic sap who abuses pet names. I don’t make the rules.  
> \---  
> [xyliandra.tumblr.com](http://xyliandra.tumblr.com) | [xyliandra-fics.tumblr.com](http://xyliandra-fics.tumblr.com)


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